It’s getting better all the time (can’t get much worse).
-Lennon & McCartney
I remember the day that Jonas and I were at that other bar we worked at together called the Social Club and we were listening to The Beatles and he laughed his biggest Jonas laugh about those particular backing vocals. I liked those times.
I like these times, too. I know that can’t possibly make sense to many people out there (or, secretly, I hope that it does), but I appreciate the good times and the bad. A housemate of mine once said that people are just trying to make themselves feel, anything (which is why they try to feel so bad if they can’t feel good, why we create drama, and why we make jokes, right?).
Today was better than yesterday, which was better than the day before. I feel stronger, strong enough to laugh, strong enough to make an herbal iron syrup1 (flavored with the pomagranate molasses from my dad’s garden outside Shiraz, Iran–have I mentioned that I have to get out there someday soon?), strong enough to ride the bus and walk in the rain to acupuncture. I also feel thankful.
I feel thankful for the two months that were given to me by that baby. I’m glad that I got to experience pregnancy. I will be looking forward to the day when I’m lucky enough to feel sick to my stomach all day. I can’t wait for the mood swings and having to pee all the time. I will leap with joy at every discomfort that signifies that I have the chance to become somebody’s mama yet again.
Cue Ella, singing “They can’t take that away from me.”
- Two, actually. One adapted from Rosemary Gladstar’s Iron + recipe, the other of my own creation, inspired by Susun Weed in the Wise Woman tradition. Ask if you’re curious. [↩]
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